
In this 3 min article, Dr Bex helps you explore how to sit with and accept difficult emotions. She reveals common avoidance habits, AKA ‘DOTS,’ and introduces the ‘FIT’ approach, a simple method to help you face emotions in healthy ways. By using this approach, you can understand your feelings, respond thoughtfully, and build emotional resilience, all in just a few minutes.
Why we avoid difficult emotions
We’re all biologically hardwired to avoid discomfort. None of us want to be stuck feeling jittery, worried, frustrated, resentful, angry or sad. Wanting these emotions to be gone ASAP is completely normal!
But if anxiety, numbness, or reliance on food, alcohol, or other substances becomes frequent, avoiding those feelings might be doing more harm than good.
Recognising avoidance patterns
Firstly, be kind to yourself: everyone uses avoidance strategies when things get tough. Becoming aware of these patterns, though, can inspire change. Psychologist Russ Harris coined the term ‘DOTS’ for the four most common ways we avoid difficult emotions.

In moderation, things like a little scrolling or a glass of wine are harmless, but over-relying on them can lead to long-term issues, like:
• Spending too much time scrolling, leading to neglecting healthy habits like exercise
• Relying on alcohol to de-stress, turning enjoying a glass into finishing a bottle
• Using food to cope whenever overwhelmed
• Avoiding social contact so much that it leads to feelings of isolation
Taking action: The ‘FIT’ approach
Firstly, remember everyone gets emotionally tangled sometimes. From my work with clients over the last decade, we've developed a three-step ‘FIT’ approach to help you acknowledge your emotions, so you can step back and respond to life from a place of emotional strength. This method isn’t a quick fix to erase tough emotions: it helps us see them as they are and break our usual reactive patterns. Any time you feel emotional discomfort and want to respond in a healthy way that enriches your life (versus self-sabotage), practice these three steps:

Adding ‘FIT’ to even your hardest day
I’ve created a downloadable PDF to guide you through the ‘FIT’ approach and track your thoughts and feelings. Any time you're struggling with difficult feelings and want to respond in more healthy ways, spend seven minutes filling this worksheet out. In just 7 minutes, you can acknowledge your emotions, understand their message and choose life-enhancing actions over self-sabotage.
To sum up
We’re naturally wired to avoid discomfort, but avoiding tough emotions like anxiety or frustration can create long-term issues. Psychologist Russ Harris calls these avoidance habits ‘DOTS,’ and they show up as things like endless scrolling, overuse of alcohol or food, or isolating ourselves.
The ‘FIT’ approach is a three-step method to help acknowledge and respond to emotions in healthy ways, breaking self-sabotaging patterns and fostering emotional strength. A simple, downloadable worksheet guides you through these steps in just seven minutes.
Avoiding emotions is natural but can lead to bigger issues over time.
‘DOTS’ capture four common avoidance patterns, like endless scrolling or emotional eating.
The ‘FIT’ approach helps you face emotions, rather than avoid them, by choosing positive actions.
Use the worksheet to guide yourself through ‘FIT’ and build emotional strength in seven minutes.

Hi I'm Dr Bex Bell, a mindset and behaviour change coach
I help people do great things by fuelling themselves with self-awareness, self compassion and self worth. Begin your journey by reading my book: Inner Critic to Inner Coach, book a free 20 min chat about empowering your team with one of my evidence-based workshops and webinars or reach out for a 1-to-1 coaching session
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